ber months of 2008

        It was in the second half of 2008 when I started to attend this so-called CLP(Christian Life Program.. I'm not quite sure if that is what it really means..). Someone who wishes to be a member of SFC must undergo CLP. CLP has 10-12 modules(Again, I'm not quite sure about this.). It will be held once every week(usually saturday night). Every module discusses Christian values. The speaker will vary each module.

        I've wanted to join SFC since I was 18yrs old. I just didn't know how. Not until in 2008 when a friend told me about an upcoming CLP. I was so excited to attend. I was looking forward to meeting new friends and having something new to do. But most important of all, being able to participate in a program where everything revolves on God. I wanted to have a better relationship with Him.

        During that same time, my mother was diagnosed of having a Colon cancer(stage 3b).

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I've prayed every night for my mother to be safe and healthy. I did that since I was in elementary. 

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        After I heard about my mom's condition, my faith was almost shattered. I felt so alone. I felt God neglected me. And I almost neglected God.

        But then I realized.. God won't let me down. His will won't lead mo to somewhere/something where His grace will not reach me. I started to accept my mom's illness. I saw her suffer so much. And it breaks my heart each time I see her cry in pain. I prayed hard: "Lord, Kayo na po ang bahala. Ibinibigay ko na po siya sa Inyo. Wag Niyo nalang po sana siyang hayaan na mahirapan pa." --> and Liters of tears would fall each time

        My mom passed away in the 26th of October 2008. I thanked God. He answered my prayer. He didn't let my mom suffer more. And I will be forever thankful for that. 

        But then I felt so depressed. Reminiscing moments with her when awake. Dreaming about her when asleep. ( I slept 2hours a day since I learned about my mom's sickness. Only after 4-6months was I able to sleep normally again.)

        After my mom's funeral, I went back to school. I took special midterm examinations. It was harder than usual, of course. The painful past flashes back as I answered my exams.

        Days passed by so quickly. I watch TV when I'm at home. I go to school from monday-saturday. And I attend the CLP every saturday night. The CLP ended. I became a member of SFC. And Christmas was just days ahead.

        That was the worst Christmas I ever had. The usual phone call from my mom was gone. The joyful "Merry Christmas!" text greeting from her was gone as well. Watching Christmas programs just adds to the burden.

        That is how I remember the ber months of 2008.

Writing this blog was not easy for me. It reminds me of the pain.. of the most painful experience I ever had.